Community is crucial to me.It is a poorly kept secret that I have a standing date with the women of my postpartum “mumnet” group (it’s called “network breakfast” in my calendar and no one is allowed to override the appointment).Most of us are 14+ years postpartum but we are all still connected to each other and bound in the act of raising our kids and nourishing each other.We meet every Friday morning for brunch at a local restaurant to chat, laugh, cry, support and eat. My life would truly suck without these women.
On a career note, these women were my first focus group, my first clients and the first to tell me (over and over again) I actually could balance it all when I started my business.Some of them went back to a more traditional workforce as counselors, lawyers, accountants, teachers, graphic designers, nurses, you name it, we have it covered. Each has created a life that included kids and self, some with more struggle than others. All have shared her personal journey with the group in an intimate, honest way. I could cry just thinking of the things we have been through together. They are like family.
And, like family, we don’t really talk about the details of work. Oh, sure we share when it’s been a bully of a week either good or bad. But the details, disasters and triumphs of work life are usually restricted to a sentence or two.
What happens then when you are self employed, entrepreneurial and in love with your work? Where does a girl turn to find a community of people who might understand that kind of love or even inspire? Like so many women, much of my work happens in my office or kitchen at home when I am alone.I research, cook, write and think mostly alone.But, where does one tap for a giggle or a breath when there is no one in the next cubicle? With whom does one share her next big idea?
Twitter said my pal Erica Ehm. It is where your world is meeting without you. “What a time suck” I thought, “she is as crazy as a kite in a forest”. But, I logged on anyway. And, sure enough, there they were. All the women I had heard about or hoped to find where quipping away in 140 characters.They were writing and sharing, they were guiding and following. And they were interested and interesting people.It has become a virtual coffee shop/watercooler that is virtually always open.
I have actually met a number of these people at real events or tweet ups that I have heard of through, yep, twitter. I have been fortunate enough to find colleagues, no, friends who understand what it is like to work hard, think big, inspire exponentially and still be home for dinner. During the week, they lead me into their blogs, news, studies and reports (sometimes their tweets provide simply a much needed quip to break up the day.) Unlike at the “real” office I have to admit, that I have a hard time getting through the weekend hours without tapping in to find them.Sure enough, Saturdays and Sundays find them tweeting about the neighbors, their days, their thoughts and where to find dinner.
Such a motley crew too! Disparate sisters and souls connected through a thread. It is like a hub of my very own creation. I get to follow the goings on of people who are doing things I am interested in. That may be the only thing that they have in common. Make no mistake, though, they truly are a community.I would never, ever have believed it if I hadn’t found it, make that created it, myself.
Where do you find community? Do you have enough of it?
A recent email send me swriling "Back to the Future" style to grade seven. An innocent email through my website by a childhood friend turned in to a phone call and a pub date that I am looking forward to. Sarah cyber stalked me (her words) before she called so I had nothing to tell her about my goings on but she had lots of "stuff" about people I haven't thought of in years.
For instance, she went to the reunion, I didn't. So she told me of the bald heads, paunchy potbellies and weight gain of our past. Who looked great, who was doing what, who has suffered illness. It so bizarre to think about any of these people having any of these troubles. People left behind in high school seem frozen in time, images of them in my mind stay put. They are all young and strong and popular, right?
If it teaches me anything, this looking back, thing, it is to love what I have got! I was only a bit pudgy as a teen but, boy, did I hate my thighs ( and my hair, and my glasses...) Why didn't I know then how lucious and luminious my skin was? Why wasn't I proud of my thick, dark (if unruly) hair? If I had known then what it would feel like to hide the relentless grey hair and watch the crows feet walk across my face, would I have walked a little taller?
Applying that principal to the future...what will I think of this post in 25 years? I am likely to think, "oh please, those were the good years, at least you had hair to color!" All this focus on body image and beauty, when its our health and happiness that really matters. One girl lost her husband to cancer, another had thyroid cancer herself, those are the stories we should be focusing on. Rejoicing in this moment of health for those who have it and happiness for those who are here.
That thought alone is worth a raid of the halloween bag, I'm having kale for supper.
A recent email send me swriling "Back to the Future" style to grade seven. An innocent email through my website by a childhood friend turned in to a phone call and a pub date that I am looking forward to. Sarah cyber stalked me (her words) before she called so I had nothing to tell her about my goings on but she had lots of "stuff" about people I haven't thought of in years.
For instance, she went to the reunion, I didn't. So she told me of the bald heads, paunchy potbellies and weight gain of our past. Who looked great, who was doing what, who has suffered illness. It so bizarre to think about any of these people having any of these troubles. People left behind in high school seem frozen in time, images of them in my mind stay put. They are all young and strong and popular, right?
If it teaches me anything, this looking back, thing, it is to love what I have got! I was only a bit pudgy as a teen but, boy, did I hate my thighs ( and my hair, and my glasses...) Why didn't I know then how lucious and luminious my skin was? Why wasn't I proud of my thick, dark (if unruly) hair? If I had known then what it would feel like to hide the relentless grey hair and watch the crows feet walk across my face, would I have walked a little taller?
Applying that principal to the future...what will I think of this post in 25 years? I am likely to think, "oh please, those were the good years, at least you had hair to color!" All this focus on body image and beauty, when its our health and happiness that really matters. One girl lost her husband to cancer, another had thyroid cancer herself, those are the stories we should be focusing on. Rejoicing in this moment of health for those who have it and happiness for those who are here.
That thought alone is worth a raid of the halloween bag, I'm having kale for supper.
The end of the school year is upon us. And, when my daughter (now 13) has had a particularly good teacher we like to have her (or him, but that hasn’t happened yet) over for lunch.It was much easier in elementary school, there was one teacher per year and I eyeballed her almost daily. This year, in middle school, there are many invested professionals, the school is a titch further away and Jamie is a teenager with optics to protect.
But, we did it anyway; we invited Janice over for lunch. I had to do it by email instead of the usual little card. Janice is sensitive enough to not discuss the event in class and Jamie is thrilled but won’t show it! Janice informs me that she is vegetarian (I had no idea after 2 years of knowing this woman) and I assure her that only the rarest, bloodiest lamb chop will be served. She confirms with the news that in 18 years of teaching, she has never been invited to a student’s house for lunch.
I am shocked! But am I the only one? Does no-one do this anymore? The elementary teachers had commented that such a treat was rare but what has happened to our culture? Is it really such a big deal to make lunch? Has home and school really become two separate entities? Really, what teacher needs another mug at the end of the year? A little appreciation for what these people do, people!
OK. I’ll say it…Teachers are holding our culture together. They spend more time with our kids than we do. They know each and every child, their friends, their strengths and challenges. The good ones care. The good ones, like Janice, have valuable information about who your child is in his own world. They can make all the difference in how our children see themselves, accept the challenge of lifelong learning and face the world of high school. Our kids are out of our hands so much these days that we must have faith in the other people who guide them. Teachers made all the difference in my world. I was the first of many siblings and cousins to go on to post secondary learning and continue my lifelong love of school and I owe all of that to my teachers. My parents did what they could with their 8th grade education but beyond that, it was teachers who guided me.
It has been the same for Jamie, there are incredible, dedicated, talented teachers scattered through her short history like stepping stones firmly placed in a rushing river. She can look back as see the shoulders of their strength giving her purchase and path. Of course I am standing at both sides of the river, either encouraging her to cross or call her to continue. But it is the teachers and their solid strength who give her a place to plant her foot before she considers, chooses and hops to the next boulder. Thank you Janice, your rock glitters brightly in the middle school sun.
I have spent the past year trying to figure out why my view that we need to resolve every day and not just on January 1st is so different from other (my husband would say “normal”) people’s style of resolve. Resolution in January, forget by Feb, coast til next year.
I’ll blame 60% on our concept of work (blame the evil corporation) and 40% on our cultural view of human personal responsibility.
The evil corporation 60% portion…we live in a culture where we trade our time for our money in the form of work. In this culture only paid work is valued, which is why motherhood is so damned hard and under supported. In this culture, it takes an hour to get to work and an hour to get back home. In this culture the idea of an 8 hour day is ridiculous, we fool ourselves into believing it is 8 hours but the stats show that it is more like 9, 10 or 11. So, that leaves few hours for the rest of what the human body and spirit needs. (Never mind the grocerylaundrydustingvacuumingcookingshovellingmaintenance duties for now.)
This imbalance has caused us to adapt the “pursuit of happiness” habit, formerly reserved only for royalty and the gods. We feel that we “work” hard enough to have us some of that “rest”. We are not wrong but we gave so much at the office that the movement and joy got squeezed out. When I think about it, my life was most in balance when I hurried around after a small child. Sorry, did I just make you spill your tea?
Really, our lives are meant to be movement and work. We are made to sleep, eat and move in the pursuit of satiety and safety. Which means finding food, gathering wood, cleaning in the river, making safe the nest. All of this work is physically exhausting but it is actually worth it, if feels good, is grounding. Unlike (the mentally exhausting )pursuit of hunting down that client to get him to sign that contract so that the corporation can make a huge profit and pay me a small portion for doing so. How is that going to keep the warmth in the hut? I mean, I know it pays the hydro guy to walk around to read your meter so the power corp can make their money to pay his pittance but where was my body in all that? Sitting at my desk, in my car, on my couch. See what I mean? The money moves so we don’t have to!
Here is the 40% personal responsibility bit…we bought it hook, line and sinker. It is only the very, very excellent corporations and institutions that do something about this out of wack-ness. They all see it, know it, but shrug it off. This brings to mind the DPA (daily physical activity) program in my daughter’s school. At various times throughout the day, everything stops, the almighty voice comes over the loud speaker system and says, “Get up and dance to this song!” or something like that. The teachers and kids groan but they all get up and for 10 minutes each day they wiggle and wave some movement into their lives. They do it (hate it?) together. At least it has been acknowledged that they need some more movement in the sedentary day, yes, it’s a shame that it has come to that but there you have it.
Seems to me, the only solution if for us to push hard at that 60%. Just decide to move that needle of personal responsibility and take back a little bit of the time/effort/oppression. No one is stopping you from bring an exercise ball to work and sitting on it for at least an hour instead of your chair. No one is stopping you from brown bagging your lunch of a huge salad instead of slouching down to the food court. Eat that salad at your desk, on your ball and then walk up the stairs to visit a friend for 10 minutes. No one is stopping you from standing up on the subway for half the ride, it is an amazing ab workout if you don’t hold on! No one is stopping you from walking up the stairs to your desk instead of taking the elevator.
In fact, no one is stopping you from rattling the cage of said corporation and starting a committee to have the stairwell painted a pleasing color, art hung on the walls and music piped in to it. This would benefit all the employees by making the stairs a nice place to walk. The corporation benefits by having more invigorated staff that have less of their lifeblood squeezed out and more of their heart in the day (forgive the pun.)
I know it takes immense effort to roll that rock but this is your life! Not theirs. If not you, who? Who is going to be creative in finding ways that will extend your life and improve your health so you can enjoy it? I don’t want you to put your foot through that new 40 inch tv screen, you did work hard, you did earn it but I think we need to “deserve” the rest differently. Don’t give it all away, steel 30 minutes each day from the corporation or just use them differently, work them your way, you will feel better and be more productive in the long run. Start a “movement movement” that will last all year.
